Learning to walk with and keep close to God – and to place my fears in God’s hands – continues to be a journey for me.

While Jesus lived and taught on earth, He made it a point to tell us that God does not want us to worry and to be loaded down with fear:

“’Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life?’” Matthew 6: 25-27

The world can be a confusing and demanding place. I was raised in a loving and faithful family. And yet in my 20s and most of my 30s, I could feel myself growing distant from God. I was in and out of church. I would periodically ask God for help with decisions, but there never seemed to be enough time to wait on His answers. I am not even sure I expected that He would reply to my questions. Certainly, God had bigger, more important things to manage. I was running fast, trying to figure out things on my own.

When my marriage sadly ended in divorce, I separated even further from God. Through my divorce, I feared that I had committed a sin too grievous to be forgiven. More and more, I began to think of God solely as judge and jury, but not as Father and confidante. For some time, I toiled alone in the world, buried in my work and afraid to draw too close to anyone, including God, for fear that they would let me down – or even worse, that I would fail them.

One morning, sitting on my driveway, I read something in a book from my younger sister about how God does not merely want to help us to climb over and around the mountains in our lives – God wants to remove the mountains from our paths. What?! I thought about that as I watched water droplets glistening on the flowers in the early morning sunshine. My sister kept giving me books about God, and I am forever grateful to her for that. I wondered what it would be like to lean on Him.

Can I really turn my struggles and fears over to God? Does He want to be involved in my everyday life and work? How would placing my trust in God change things for me, and for those around me? Do I want to become vulnerable again by leaning on someone else, even if that someone else is God?

As my fear swelled up, I tried to shrug off the notion of inviting God into my world. I remained fairly certain that God was focused on more important things. I also worried that He was still disappointed in me about the divorce. And yet I closed my eyes and wished, with all my heart, that God could hear and help me.

Can I lean on You, God? Are You really there? Will you help me? I need Your help.

And then, I felt God wash over my heart.

I suddenly realized I was not alone. I opened my eyes, looking all around. In a way that I cannot fully describe, I felt God’s presence so distinctly. With His presence came a deep, unfamiliar sense of peace.

I felt loved, completely.

I closed my eyes again and silently asked God to walk with me and to help me.

And then I waited. I was not sure what would happen next, but I knew He was still with me on that driveway. I sat there quietly in His Presence for some time.

Somewhere deep inside, I sensed my life was about to change. I decided to not allow my fears to deter any changes that God wanted to make in my life. As long as I live, I will never forget that morning. God responded to my cry for help in full love, just as He responds to all who call for Him. His Love continues to change the path of my life, as I learn more and more to place my trust in Him every day.

Years later, I now understand that the only reasonable fear any of us should possess is the fear of separating ourselves from the love and peace of God. In fact, our Parish Pastor recently said these words to us:

“Never let anything or anyone come between your soul and Jesus. Never, ever let yourself become separated from God. The only thing that we should fear is not finding our way to eternal life with the Father.”

Our Pastor’s words made me think of that morning on my driveway.

God loves all of us so much. And yes, we should have no doubt that God will be the final judge of our lives and hearts, for the Bible’s writers tell us this throughout the Old and New Testaments:

“For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.” 2 Corinthians 5: 10

The Bible’s writers also tell us over and again that God is a Father of Mercy:

“Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him.” Isaiah 30: 18 … “And His mercy is for those who fear Him from generation to generation.” Luke 1: 50

God loves you so deeply. Always know that.

“I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. Look to Him, and be radiant; so your faces shall never be ashamed. This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them.” Psalm 34: 4-7